Orlando Magic center Dwight Howard is a father. That should be cause for celebration, joy and nothing else. If only things could be that simple.
Howard's fatherhood comes with a whole lot of social, cultural and religious baggage. You see, Howard is a devout Christian who once expressed his wish to replace the famed silhouette of Jerry West with an image of Jesus on the cross on the NBA's logo. And now, he's a 22-year-old father to a baby born out of wedlock.
He was remarkably defensive about the news when the Sentinel asked him about it.
"I'm not going to deny it. Yes, I have a son," Howard, 22, told the Orlando Sentinel after the team's shoot-around in Denver. "It's just my personal life. Yes, I'm excited about it, but I'd like to keep my personal life personal."
He's absolutely correct to assert his right to privacy. It's none of our business. But it's a strange reaction to the birth of a child. Most people will tell anyone who will listen. Besides, Orlando is not LA, and Dwight's not Britney Spears. I don't think he's followed mercilessly by roving packs of paparazzi. He's famous, but on a limited scale. Nobody's bidding on exclusive rights to his baby's first photo shoot. Howard's just a prominent citizen who has welcomed his first child into the world, and he was asked about it by a couple of harmless beat reporters from the local paper. Leave him his dignity!
It's clear what's going on here. Howard looks like a hypocrite, and he knows it, and he's embarrassed. I don't see having a child out of marriage - I won't use the awful word illegitimate - as being necessarily a bad thing. I think a valid and loving family can appear in any number of permutations, and I won't risk alienating you with the extent of my liberal bent. The point is, I don't know how it feels to loudly proclaim my pious lifestyle and then be confronted with evidence of my own failure to live up to it. I think all we can do is our best, and I try to do that every day. And I can't bring myself to care if your moral code differs wildly from mine, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone but yourself. But when you have a kid and ignore it, you're hurting somebody else.
Not that Howard's on that path. It's unfair to lump him in with the many athletes who are fathers only in the signatures on their checks. His baby's a week old. He deserves a chance to put aside the strict parameters he set for himself and be an wonderful, attentive father. Hopefully he'll realize that any relationship that produced something as wonderful as a new baby can't be a sin. He's got the money to take care of his child and the child's mother for life, and that's an important first step. The rest should come naturally, if he's around to take them.
At least one Central Florida columnist is taking Howard to task. Florida Today's Peter Karasotis has this harsh take on the situation:
Which brings us back to the WWJD bracelet Howard sometimes wears. What would Jesus do? Doubtful that he'd (a) knock up a former Magic dancer, and then (b) move on.
Karasotis goes on to note that Howard has shown signs of doing the right thing:
Indications are that Howard is going to be an involved father, as involved as you can be living in a different house. Howard's been spotted shopping for baby items. A photo in the Orlando Sentinel over the weekend showed him bonding with his son, both asleep, the baby resting on his chest.
While Kerasotis comes off a little mean-spirited, I'm glad he tackled the issues. The other option would be to completely ignore them. The Orlando Sentinel's David Whitley has that angle covered in a sticky-sweet open letter to Howard. Check out these glib little slices of life:
If you're lucky, little Braylon's mother is like my wife. Maternal instincts have overpowered her need for sleep and ability to smell. And I think you know where I'm headed with this...
My wife got the flu last week, meaning I had baby duty from 5:57 a.m. until 8:12 p.m., not that I was keeping track. It was like trying to cover Allen Iverson, only he doesn't start chewing on his shoe the nanosecond you look away...
Raising a baby teaches you whole new meanings for words like patience, worry, perspective, poopie and happiness...And if somehow the kid teaches you how to make free throws, all the better.
Whitley's column glosses over everything. Assume that Howard commits himself to being the most involved father he can and that he maintains a friendly relationship with the child's mother. There are still the logistical complications of co-raising a child, especially given the travel schedule and time demands of Howard's career. Raising a baby is the greatest challenge life can present, as far as I know, and that's why so many people fail at it. Howard's set of complicating circumstances makes it all the more difficult, regardless of his intentions. And Howard knows all about good intentions and where they may lead. Effort certainly doesn't guarantee success.
Congratulations, Dwight Howard. And good luck.