Businesses fail, marriages fail, systems fail, but people rarely fail.  Still fear of failure can be paralyzing.  It troubles me that the word failure spreads like a fungus from the deed to the doer.  As a therapist I have a lot of opportunities to respond to the statement, “I’m a failure.” Generally, I scrape off the excess fungus with the question, “What is it you failed to do?”  It’s usually difficult to identify even one failed task.
     The definitions offer a lot of latitude.  The standard “lack of success” only defines what failure is not.  “Falling short of what is required or expected” is a bit clearer, though one can fall an inch short or a mile short and by this definition still have failed.  And “somebody who is unsuccessful” certainly applies to all of us in some context at some time.
     I cherish my failure to thrive in organizations that challenged laws and ethics.  Those particular failures jostled me into my own business.  A failure to fit in (since birth, I think) has afforded me the opportunity to stand out.  Failure to please everyone has freed me to base my actions on more quantitative information, like market analysis.
     Because I believe we construct our experiences through our descriptions of them, I am proposing that we change our language.  Instead of giving yourself “F” for failed, try “N” for “not done yet” or “R” for “reconsidering the goal” or maybe “S” for “shifting direction.”  

I'll bet there are few readers who can't conjure up the memory of a perceived failure that preceded a glowing success.  I'd love to hear about them.  Besides, I am ready to defer to whoever first said “The only true failure is doing nothing at all."     -   Nicki Nance